Friday, March 18, 2011

Getting to know FTW.

The views expressed henceforth are those of Hadouken Pro wrestler FTW, and do not reflect the opinions of the company.

Compiled here are highlights from last nights sit down interview with Hadouken Pro wrestler FTW, conducted by our own Color Commentator and Wrestling Journalist, Todd Hopkins.  

The set is a medium sized office with a large red sofa and coffee table with two mugs on it.  On the left hand side of the couch sits Todd Hopkins in a throwback NGW Tshirt, suit jacket and jeans, on the right FTW in a Lynyrd Skynyrd tshirt, tight acid washed jeans and his trademark work boots.

Hopkins- Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to conduct this interview FTW, its a real pleasure for me to be here with a star of your caliber. 

FTW- (scratching his beard) The pleasures all yours. 

Hopkins - Errr...yes.  Well, the first question I have comes from one of our viewers...Jason Chambers of Ohio asks "What exactly does the name FTW stand for? For the Win? F the World?"

FTW- Great question, what does FTW stand for? I've never heard that one before.  For the Win? I like that, cuz that's what FTW always goes out there to do.  Fuck the World? Well that suits me just fine too.  But no, it don't mean either of those, FTW stands for mind your own damn business kid. (puts in a dip of chewing tobacco)

Hopkins- Ok then, moving on.  (takes a swig of his water from the mug in front of him) I'd like to remind you that this podcast is reaching people worldwide, so if you wouldn't mind sir, please watch your language. 

FTW- Uh huh.  (spits his chew into Hopkins mug)

Hopkins- Ugh....our next question comes from a viewer right here in Pennsylvania, Ric Switzer.  He poses the question "What's up with your ring gear? Funky bike shorts and work boots? You look like a bum."

FTW- A bum huh? Funny guy.  Yer lucky you ain't in this studio or I'd slap that smirk off yer dipshit face son. 

Hopkins- Fair enough, but again please watch your language.  Now to answer the question...why do you wear bike shorts to the ring?

FTW- Cuz they're comfortable and they let my boys breath.  Nothing worse than yer twig n berries stickin to yer leg in the middle of a match.  Get's irritatin.  And as far as my boots go, well these are my shit kickers..and that's exactly what I'm out there doing every night.  Kickin the shit outta whatever bastard is unlucky enough to be across from me that night. 

Hopkins- (under his breath) So I see you're ignoring my warning about your language....

FTW- What's that?

Hopkins- Nothing...er....nothing...FTW sir.  I was just about to read our next viewer question...err..comment I guess this one is.  This one comes to us from Jimmy Goldsmith in Maine. He writes "FTW, you are a racist jerk.  I've seen the way you run down some of the foreign talent in your promos and I find it deplorable, you should be ashamed."

FTW- (breathing in deeply, and then spitting his remaining chew on the floor) Racist huh? I've been called that by lottsa folks round here, and you got it all wrong kid.  I ain't a racist. Hell I've fought yellers, blacks, mexeecans, the whole lot of em...hell I've tied it up with space aliens for christ sake.  The thing is, FTW bleeds red, white n blue.  I'm an all American all opportunist ass kicker is what I am.  Does it happen that I don't necessarily like foreigners comin over and takin roster spots from hard working American born wrasslers? Hell yeah it does, but that don't mean I'm prejadissed gainst em.  One thing you need to know about FTW is I take out the trash.  I'll beat the tar out of anybody, Chinese, JapOnese, Black, Yella or Green, hell I'll kick the piss out of a good ol boy if I haveta.  Whoever gets in my way, is getting my size 13 straight up there ass!

Hopkins- You can't say things like that.  Yellow, Black? Those are racist remarks dude, whether you find them to be or not.  (shakes head) Thank God, last question, and this one is from me.  What brought you to Hadouken Pro?

FTW- Finally an actual decent question.  Good job feller, didn't think you had it in you.  That's a real simple answer.  I like to hurt people.  I met Riggs when I was wrestling in an Indy fed called HCW.  He saw something in me and knew I'd be a good fit here.  Gotta say though, never much liked the guy.  Too fancy.  Too eager to please.  But shit, he's paying me to do what I love to do.  I get to go out there night in and night out to beat the hell outta people and make a buck doing it.  There's 3 things I enjoy in this life, huntin, fishin, and whippin ass. So if I can make a livin outta one of em, I'm gonna jump at the chance. 


Hopkins- That actually makes sense...before we draw to a close is there anything or anyone you'd like to address before this podcast goes offline. 

FTW- There is one sumbitch I'd like to say sumthin to and that's Mask-era Navy-dad, you punk ass bitch.  You think its real funny how you got the pin on me last week? Had yer little in ring celebration with the snow falling from the arena rigging and dancin with the kids, well I'm glad you had yer little party.  I'm glad cuz as far as I'm concerned it was yer going away party.  Naw, you ain't going on a vacation, yer leavin though.  Cuz when I get done with you, yer leavin in a bodybag son.  Nobody makes a joke out of FTW, especially not no jumpin bean in a Santy Clause suit.  Mark my words Navy-dad, yer gonna get it.  I'm gonna wait til you come hollerin down a chimney and I'm gonna set yer ass on fire.  I promise you that, or my name ain't F-T-DUBBYA. 

No comments:

Post a Comment